Our emotions are very delicate and funny thing. Our feelings and emotions can be like a roller coaster at times and can be difficult to balance. There are many instances where people may tell you to suppress your feelings or emotions but everyone is different. It is important to understand that every situation is different and we all deal with it differently. No matter what you are going through your emotions have value and are valid.
Recently I have been dealing with two different sides of heartbreak. The first is a romantic heartbreak where I have come to realization that someone I care very deeply about either does not have the same feelings for me or is not in the same place as me. I, like many people, am very guarded when it comes to letting people into my heart. I do not let just anyone into my heart but when I am in, I am all in. It is a really big deal when I decide to let someone in and it is not a decision I take lightly. Once I get to the point where I let someone in I do wear my heart on my sleeve and it is difficult to close that door.
Recently I found myself in that situation where I need to close that door. Not only does it feel like I am losing someone I care deeply about but I also feel like I have lost a friend. I have been struggling to come to terms with the situation but I have come to a few realizations. I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is 100% invested in me. Their actions were not matching up with what they were saying and I deserve more than someone who is wishy washy. I deserve someone who is just as crazy about me as I am about them. I should feel like I am a priority. I should not have to wait around for someone who does not know what they want. I am grateful for the situation but it is time to put it behind me. Nothing is guaranteed and I do not have time to mess around with people who are wasting my time. I cannot rationalize wasting my valuable time with someone who is not serious about me.
The second is a heartbreak due to loss. My grandma has been sick since February and she has progressively gotten worse. She went in for a routine procedure and they found a mass on her liver that they have diagnosed as bile duct cancer and it has been progressively getting worse. She was recently admitted to the hospital and they have been running tests. They put in a couple stints but they have said they are not curing this, they are just trying to buy her more time. This heartbreak by far has been very difficult to come to terms with.
In the near future I will have to say goodbye to someone who was been such a huge part of my life. She was there for my first steps, for every birthday, for every graduation and major milestone thus far. I also will not get to share the important milestones to come with her like my wedding, my first major promotion, my first child, and so much more. It has been really hard coming to terms with this lose but I am so grateful for the time I have had with her. Many people are not lucky enough to have their grandparents for as long as I have. I am sad for my lose but I am grateful for what I have. I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot fix this situation. This is the part of life that is not fun but I am so grateful that I have had her for this long.
All heartbreak is difficult to go through but every heartbreak is different. Through these situations I have learned how truly blessed and loved I am. I have learned the best way to approach heartbreak is not to shut your feelings and emotions down but instead to embrace them. No matter what you are going through your emotions have value and are valid. Embrace your emotions and understand it is okay to be sad for your lose but it is equally important to be grateful for what you have.
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